How Your Fundraising Appeal Opening Can Pull Donors In

When you open a fundraising appeal, you’re not just sharing information. You’re assigning a role. And too often, that role is passive.

Instead of inviting donors to see themselves as part of the solution, many appeal openings position them as mere readers. Here are three very different opening paragraphs for three very different appeals from three very different nonprofits. But they all have this in common.

This is the first letter: 

Dear <salutation>, 

A diagnosis of type 1 diabetes can be devastating. Without warning, a healthy child or adult can develop this life-threatening disease, and it will need to be managed every minute of every hour of every day — for the rest of their life. 

This is the second letter: 

Dear <salutation>, 

When people learn the truth about the Chinese Communist Party’s invasion, occupation, and over 60 years of oppressive policies in Tibet, support for the Tibetan cause grows. That is why the truth is what frightens China’s leaders. 

And here’s the third letter: 

Dear <salutation>, 

Food is a basic human right. All children deserve to grow up to live healthy lives, free from hunger. Yet every year, 45 million children under the age of 5 suffer from malnutrition, and more than 3 million die from hunger-related causes. 

We now face the most severe hunger crisis in modern history. Three different leads for fundraising appeals. What do they have in common? 

In each case, the opening forces the donor into the position of being a reader instead of a participant. Each of these appeals begins with a discussion about a topic. Each one presents the donor with facts, figures, and opinions. The donor is a reader, going through what sounds very much like a corporate memo. It’s a far more passive role than bringing the donor into an appeal as a participant. 

Why These Appeal Openings Don’t Work

Each of these issues reinforces the same underlying mistake: The donor is treated as someone reading about a problem, not someone who sees themselves as part of solving it.

1. They have no “you” orientation. The letters aren’t talking to me. They’re talking about something that the writers apparently think I should be interested in. But, ultimately, if there’s no “you,” then right from the start there’s very little donor involvement. 
2. They’re just plain boring. “A diagnosis of type 1 diabetes can be devastating”? “Food is a basic human right.”? Really? The only response from a donor to either of these has to be, “No kidding. Tell me something I don’t know.” You can’t engage donors with obvious and meaningless platitudes and generalities. 
3. They play it safe. They read like a committee has reviewed them to death, so that the final product is the status quo that everyone can agree on. 
4. They appeal to intellect, not emotion. They’re each discussing an issue like a bored high school teacher addressing a class of bored students. There’s nothing here to shock, surprise, or otherwise engage the donor reading it. 

That’s too bad because we know that in every case emotion is going to surpass intellect when it comes to engaging donors and moving them to respond. 

So what’s the right approach when you want your donors to be participants instead of just passive readers? 

What Your Fundraising Appeal Opening Should Look Like

Of course, there are many different approaches for an effective lead for a fundraising letter. But in most cases, an involving letter opening will have “you” and “I” references. It will bring the donor into the action. And it will try to be emotionally engaging. Here’s an example: 

Dear <salutation>, 

You might not see it. It doesn’t always make the news. But I can tell you, it’s heartbreaking. Innocent children, frail from malnutrition, starving to death. It’s a crisis, a tsunami of suffering, all around the world. 

I think of my child. You probably think of the children in your life. If they were hurting, you’d move mountains to help. So would I. So would any parent. 

And yet in Sudan, in Ukraine, in war-ravaged countries, in poverty zones around the world, children are going day after day without eating — and then maybe only a handful of rice. It’s not enough. Their arms and legs are sticks. Their bellies are swollen. They’re dying, slowly, from the inside. Starving to death. 

I’m sorry to be so graphic. But I’m sure you understand. This has to stop. It has to. And we have to do everything we can — you and me. 

Why so much attention on bringing the donor in as a participant at the beginning? Because if you fail to capture your donors’ attention right from the start, they’ll probably give the rest of the appeal a cursory glance and then toss it. When that happens, whatever beneficiary stories, engagement techniques, or other elements that come later will be all for nothing. 

On the other hand, a strong opening is like a promise to donors that whatever follows will be just as interesting. And when that happens, you’re far more likely to be on the way to winning their support — and their loyalty.

The preceding content was provided by a contributor unaffiliated with NonProfit PRO. The views expressed within may not directly reflect the thoughts or opinions of the staff of NonProfit PRO.