How Listening to Donors Can Strengthen Relationships and Funding

Development officers spend much of their time showing donors, and each other, how much they matter. Yet building strong, lasting relationships can be difficult. Often, the issue isn’t the donor — it’s the story we tell ourselves about them, especially when donor listening is missing from the process.

When Assumptions Replace Understanding

Take a new vice president at a growing nonprofit focused on sustainable solutions for people experiencing food insecurity and homelessness. After meeting with the development committee, one priority stood out: recapturing a lapsed donor who had historically been the organization’s largest supporter.

Like many fundraisers, the vice president started with the file. They examined giving history, internal notes, and program updates, and spoke with program managers. From this, a narrative emerged.

According to the records, the donor had lost confidence in the organization because of a past offense by a predecessor. The previous vice president was technically skilled and knew the programs, tracked metrics, wrote proposals, and was comfortable asking for gifts. In meetings with this donor, however, the conversation often focused on the donor in abstract terms rather than engaging with the donor directly.

Over time, this story shaped the staff and board’s mindset. The donor became a distant figure, imagined as a difficult, high-net-worth supporter. The team talked about the donor instead of with him.

What the Donor Actually Needed

Jennifer Breheny Wallace, in her book “Mattering,” explains that to matter is to feel valued and to add value. For fundraisers, this means questioning whether we truly understand our donors. 

Donors, like the clients nonprofits serve, have emotional needs. They want to feel recognized, accepted, and appreciated for who they are. Listening is how those needs are uncovered.

When the vice president finally met the donor, they discovered the organization’s story was mostly incorrect. The issue wasn’t past interactions — it was personal. 

The donor admired the previous vice president’s work and was not upset about past interactions. Their concern focused on a brother, who had been active in society but was now unhoused. The nonprofit had shifted resources away from this area of interest, which the donor described as “mission drift.”

The vice president responded with empathy. They asked questions and listened. They then worked with program staff to realign resources with the donor’s interests. They apologized for areas where the organization had drifted.

The donor requested a new proposal, which led to a six-figure gift and a renewed relationship built on trust.

What Fundraisers Can Learn

This story provides several practical lessons for the nonprofit sector.

Donors are people, not checkbooks. They have personal motivations and values that influence their giving. Recognizing these drivers can improve engagement and foster long-term relationships.

Your internal narrative matters. Mischaracterizing a donor can create distance and misaligned strategies. Staff should ensure their narrative reflects the donor’s real priorities and concerns.

Listening is a strategic tool. Taking time to ask questions, and engage with donors’ perspectives can uncover priorities that standard reports and proposals cannot.

Relationships require ongoing attention. Donor interests and organizational priorities evolve. Reassessing alignment and demonstrating a willingness to adapt strengthens long-term partnerships.

Nonprofits often focus on metrics, outcomes, and funding strategies. These are important, but relationships remain the foundation of philanthropy. Intentional donor listening can turn lapsed relationships into renewed support — and long-term engagement.

This example shows what happens when fundraisers replace assumptions with understanding. For fundraisers, the lesson is clear: invest in understanding your donors. When organizations commit to this practice, they build trust, strengthen giving, and create lasting impact.

The preceding content was provided by a contributor unaffiliated with NonProfit PRO. The views expressed within may not directly reflect the thoughts or opinions of the staff of NonProfit PRO.