5 Ways to Deal With Arrogance in Major Gifts Fundraising

Goodness! How we forget about the donor!

Just to be clear, I am not saying a MGO should not take satisfaction with securing a large gift. Nope. It is a fact that, had it not been for that MGO's actions, the transaction would likely not have occurred. So that is something to be proud of and feel good about.

In fact, when MGOs call me and tell me about a gift coming in, I genuinely celebrate with them in a loud, generous and dramatic way. And I build them up and tell them they have done good work. I also remind them how thankful we need to be for the donor's generosity.

So, how should we deal with arrogance in the major gifts workplace? Here are my suggestions:

1. When you see it try to move from a place of judgment to a place of compassion. This is very difficult to do, especially if you are experiencing the effects of the person's arrogance. I try to look past the behavior to the heart of the person. She is hurting. He is feeling alone. She feels small even though she is trying to look big. Move toward compassion.
2. Talk about these thoughts and principles in your workplace. Do it in meetings. Do it in your emails. Fill your place with thoughts about serving, about the special role of the donor, about humility. Model the behavior. It will catch on.
3. When a large gift comes in because of work you've done, fall on your face with thankfulness and humility. I don't mean to do that literally, although you could. I mean in your heart. Sit for a moment with the wonderful thing that has just happened. Marvel at the greatness of it — that someone could part with that sum of money; that you have been blessed to be a part of it; that something really special just happened that will bring tremendous joy to others; and that you are so lucky to have a job that brings you so much joy and fulfillment.
4. Quietly thank yourself for the good job you have done. And be ready to receive the thanks of others. You deserve it. You have been part of something big and meaningful.
5. Watch yourself. So you don't take all of this too seriously or so you don't take too much of the credit. Be balanced about it. Even talk to others about the important role the donor played. And the important role others played, like helping you write up a case, etc. Just watch yourself so you don't go down a track of getting puffed up. Also, keep in mind that, as humans, our natural tendency is to be ego-driven. And, often, when the ego is in the driver's seat, the team is dishonored, people are hurt, everyone is made small and the organization suffers. There is one situation right now Jeff and I are aware of where the top person is so consumed with herself and her ability to raise money that she's resorted to asking for six- and seven-figure gifts via email. And the donors are getting very upset. This is a situation where the MGO needs to watch herself — she is totally out of control.

We are so lucky to be involved in this kind of work! Every morning when I wake up, I start my day feeling thankful for life, for those who love me, for the lessons I am learning from those who don't like me and the hard situations I face, and for the work I get to do. What a great place to be!