One of the deepest human desires we all share is the desire to be known.
Not simply recognized or acknowledged, but genuinely known for who we are, what we care about and what matters most to us. It’s something we all hope to experience in our relationships, whether they’re personal or professional, and it’s no different for the donors who have chosen to invest in your organization’s work.
As major gift fundraisers, we spend a great deal of time thinking about strategy, portfolios, donor engagement plans and revenue goals. Those things certainly matter, but underneath every successful fundraising strategy is something much simpler and much more human: taking the time to truly know your donor.
When you understand what inspires someone to give, what breaks their heart and what kind of impact they hope to make in the world, you begin to see every conversation differently. Instead of persuading someone to support your organization, you’re helping them fulfill something that’s already deeply important to them.
Major gift officers spend months building a relationship with a donor, only to have everything change after one conversation when they finally uncover the donor’s real motivations and passions.
It’s amazing to watch the relationship deepen, as the donor becomes more engaged and generosity follows naturally because the conversation is centered on the donor’s purpose.
Every Donor Wants to Feel Seen
Recently, I had an experience that reminded me just how powerful it is to feel known — and how discouraging it is when you don’t.
I found myself sitting across from someone whose attention never seemed to leave themselves. Every story came back to their experiences, their accomplishments or their opinions, and by the end of our conversation I caught myself wondering whether I had simply become uninteresting.
Of course, that wasn’t really the issue. After thinking about it later, I realized it had very little to do with me and everything to do with the other person’s inability to make room for someone else.
It was a good reminder because none of us enjoys feeling invisible. And your donors don’t either.
I’m not suggesting you learn every personal detail of someone’s life. That’s neither realistic nor appropriate. What your donors want is something much more meaningful than that. They want to know that you understand why they give, what they hope their generosity will accomplish and that you care enough to remember those things every time you connect with them.
When donors feel known, trust begins to grow, and that allows almost everything else in the relationship to get easier.
Trust Grows Through Authenticity
That kind of trust also requires something that many fundraisers struggle with: vulnerability.
It’s tempting to believe we should only bring good news to our donors, but relationships don’t grow because everything is perfect.
When a program falls short of expectations or a project takes longer than anticipated, don’t hide it. Explain what happened, what you’ve learned, and how you’re moving forward. Donors almost always appreciate transparency because honesty communicates respect.
The same principle applies to you. If you hope a donor will open up about the experiences and values that shape their giving, you have to be willing to share some of your own. Talk about why this mission matters to you. Share the moments that remind you why you chose this work in the first place.
When two people are willing to be authentic with each other, the relationship naturally moves beyond transactions. Instead of asking, “What will you fund?” the conversation begins to sound more like, “What kind of difference do we want to make together?”
Thoughtful Touchpoints Make All the Difference
As you build your donor engagement plan, there’s one question worth asking before every touchpoint you schedule:
Will this help my donor feel known?
The strongest touchpoints begin with the donor’s passions rather than the organization’s agenda. They remind donors of the difference their giving is making and, whenever possible, reinforce that impact with stories or perspectives from people outside your organization.
They also reflect thoughtful attention to the donor as an individual, whether that’s acknowledging a birthday, celebrating a professional accomplishment, or simply remembering something meaningful from an earlier conversation.
None of those moments may seem particularly significant on their own, but together they tell the donor something every person longs to hear: “I remember you. I know what matters to you. You matter to me.”
Those small moments are what make future conversations about generosity feel natural because they’re built on trust instead of obligation.
Joy Is Part of the Relationship
Finally, don’t overlook the role your own spirit plays in these relationships.
People are naturally drawn to those who find genuine joy in what they do, and donors are no exception. When your conversations are filled with gratitude, hope and authentic enthusiasm for the mission, donors feel that energy. And that’s when they start to imagine themselves as part of the work.
Major donors aren’t just looking for another organization to support. They’re looking for trusted partners who can help them make the kind of difference they’ve always wanted to make.
At the end of the day, donors give through organizations to change lives. Your role is to know them well enough to help them do exactly that, one thoughtful conversation and one meaningful touchpoint at a time.
These may seem like little things, but they’re the very things that make a donor feel seen, understood and valued. And when a donor feels known, the relationship flourishes. And so does the fundraising.
The preceding content was provided by a contributor unaffiliated with NonProfit PRO. The views expressed within may not directly reflect the thoughts or opinions of the staff of NonProfit PRO.
