Bring Back That Loving Feeling

Third, are you really connecting with your list and its feelings, or are you just talking about yourself all the time? Nothing turns off a list like narcissism, and nothing turns it on like showing your emotional side and appealing to its perspective.

My advice? Only reach out to your list when you have permission. Treat your list with great care and gratitude. Start true conversations with your list, and be responsive to its feelings. Chocolates and flowers may help, too.
— Maven

Dear Marketing Maven:
My teenage daughter has a pierced nose, and I hate it! But she won’t listen to me when I tell her to remove it, or when I tell her what to wear. How do I get her to listen to me? Oh, and please tell me how to get all those young people on social networks to listen to me, too.
— Floundering on Facebook

Dear Floundering:
A family friend (let’s call him Dan) recently told me his daughter called from college to say she’d pierced her nose. She conveyed this news with defiant glee. When Dan said that sounded nice, his daughter sounded disappointed. When she came home for winter break, he picked her up at the airport — wearing a big, fake hoop through his nose. She removed her nose stud that night.

My point? You’ve got the wrong message. If you have a rebellion on your hands, stop being the autocrat everyone is longing to overthrow.

Which brings me to a larger point: In addition to having the wrong message, you’re the wrong messenger. Social networks are no place for an autocrat — they are messy democracies and even anarchies. They are not places where you post your mission statement and expect everyone to flock to your page to await your orders. They are places where people congregate to be seen and heard themselves and connect to each other.