3 Wrongs in Fundraising Writing

Writing about the wrong person
"It's all about us" is the message of many direct-response appeals. One letter sitting on my desk came from a leading nonprofit and begins, "In my 18 months at {Name of Organization}, I became used to …" That's nice, but I can't relate so I'll move on to another request that is about me, too. (In fact, in this letter, "you" — as in "you the donor" — doesn't make an appearance until paragraph eight, near the bottom of the first page.)

Nonprofits easily can think that they are the focus of their letters. While it is true donors want to know what you're doing about a problem and why it's the best solution, they also want to know why you need them to partner with you.

If the only time you involve your donors is when you say, "We need your money," donors get the impression that you have it all under control and aren't really all that interested in them as anything more than cash machines.

Tell your donors up front how important they are to your program. Explain how they make the work you do possible and the results you talk about a reality. If you don't tell them that they have a vital role in your work, don't expect them to figure it out and make donations.

Writing from the wrong person
Regardless of who signs your letter or e-appeal, make sure that person's humanity comes through in the copy. "Our president/CEO would never say that" is a too-common response from nonprofit staff. That may be true but he/she probably should say it.

"A letter is a conversation in print," as the saying goes. Conversations are best when they involve two or more people who openly communicate. When the letter signer doesn't want to inject any of his or her personality in the letter, it becomes as exciting as reading an encyclopedia entry. It's good knowledge, but it doesn't necessarily stir me or help me connect.