Listen and Guide—Don’t Ask

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Perhaps the most oft heard comment I hear is, “But I don’t like to ask for money.” And while asking for the gift is important, let’s unpack what is really being said with such a statement.

When someone says they don’t like to ask for money, they usually mean they:

• Don’t enjoy putting someone on the spot—themselves
• Don’t like being put in an inferior position to someone else
• Don’t want to hear “no” as it will be a rejection of their cause and—by extension—themselves
• Don’t want to put someone else on the spot—by extension—themselves
• Are afraid that the prospective investor might actually say “yes”—and thereby make them feel beholden to the donor

These assessments, although quite real to the person making them, are based upon a faulty understanding of what it means to “make a gift.”

Principle No. 1 of The Eight Principles^™ is "Donors are the Drivers^®." Donors drive philanthropy through their visions and values. Not their money.

Yes, I said it. It’s not about money. No, no, not!

“But, but, but—our cause needs the money. That’s what is keeping us from fulfilling our mission—money or the lack of it.”

Yes, you need the money. No question.

The critical point to appreciate is the donor isn’t focused on the money.

Philanthropic investors—my preferred term for “donors”—have their attention on something far more valuable to them. They are driven to seek the fulfillment of their own personal visions and values.

“But, we have our own vision.”

Yes, you do. Wouldn’t it be great if somehow your vision and the values of your prospective investors aligned?

“Ah,” you say.

Now, let’s take another look at the statement, “I don’t like to ask for money.”

The fundraiser who succeeds knows that he or she really isn’t asking for money. They are inviting the investor to invest in the fulfillment of the investor’s values. That’s something someone cannot buy with money.

Consider the comment a donor made to me recently. “Larry,” this gentleman said, “it’s really hard to give money away.” This donor has eight-figure capacity, by the way.

I immediately assumed that what he meant was there are so many needs that he has difficulty deciding where to put his resources. I did what so many others do—and I preach about not doing myself! I assumed the scarcity mentality. This was the subject of my keynote at the NonProfit Pro Leadership Conference in May.